The December edition of Answers eMagazine arrives on virtual newstands today. This month’s cover story is, “Santa: Your Marketing Guru.” It’s a cute article written by a contributing author, but I’m not really digging the whole Santa-as-a-marketing-guru-thing.
I think Santa is really just a pawn in an evil plot designed by marketers all over the world to get our money.
Santa’s Rotten Kid Problem
How many parents go out and buy gifts in the name of “Santa” just so that their children will get exactly what they asked the fat guy for when they sat on his lap two weeks prior?
Especially parents who have rotten kids! You know… the one’s that deserve and get coal in their stockings.
Parents know their kid is getting coal, but they go out and get the big present anyway and switch it out after Santa leaves. No parent wants to see the disappointment in their child’s face when they awake on Christmas morning to find that the man in red has let them down.
It just breaks your heart!
I mean Santa is a good guy, but maybe not the brightest bulb in the factory… if you know what I mean. Doesn’t he realize that parents are gaming the system for their rotten kids?
I think Santa needs to put some kind of magic spell on the coal so that it can only be removed by the offending child. That would teach everyone a lesson.
What about all the Santa Merchandise?
And then there’s all the merchandising revenue that Santa’s missing out on. During the holidays you can barely go anywhere and not see some kind of likeness of Santa.
His face is everywhere!
And does he see one penny of that revenue? No!
After all, he’s got elves to pay, toys to build, and reindeer to feed. He should be getting a share of the merchandising revenue.
What happens after Christmas is over?
And then look at what happens when Christmas is over… Santa gets kicked to the curb until all those evil marketers need him again next year.
If Santa were smart, he’d do an end-run around the marketers and create joint ventures with St. Valentine, the leprechauns, and the Easter Bunny. He might even be able to strike a deal with the Halloween Characters Union and the Thanksgiving Turkey Guild.
That would really show all those marketers who’s boss!
Santa is a pawn!
In short, I think Santa is just a dupe… a chump… a marketing pawn!
He works all year long to build toys for the good boys and girls, does a ton of public appearances, travels all over the world, maintains his public image impeccably, and gives, gives, gives. Yet Santa isn’t compensated for any of his work… unless you think that the joy and happiness of children is compensation.
It’s time for Santa to stand up and take his rightful place in the marketing world!
Oh, by the way… Don’t forget to subscribe to Answers eMagazine!
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Filed under: Advertising • Other Gurus
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